Tuesday, April 16, 2013

long hair and gifted

This morning was the typical roller coaster ride at breakfast.  I have been looking for a way to describe JJ's "giftedness" in academics to him and the other kids.  JJ perceives it as he is smarter than the other kids his age/in his family.  When evaluating in specific areas (that the school measures) that is true, over all I don't know that he is smarter than others. 

To give you an idea of where he is on IQ, he ranks in the 99th percentile in all areas.  This means if you take 100 kids his age and rate them according to intelligence, he would be the 99th smartest kid in that group.  My understanding is that it is the "highest mark" that one can receive.  This is not a total surprise as I have had many teachers tell me that (even in Advanced Level Placement classes) he stretches the class/teacher to their learning peaks in lessons often bringing up elements to the lesson that are far beyond the typical academics for that age.  Also because our family is a multiplex autism family (meaning that we have multiple kids with autism) we have been involved in a couple of research studies that involved giving each member of our family IQ tests.  From this experience, we learned that both of our sons were advanced (JJ was given it when he was 3 years old, Andrew 5 years old at the time).  The evaluator would not share their score (that was part of the deal with the research agreement) but she told me that she was amazed to see both of our son's get up into the 8-9 year old range.  She also mentioned that she stopped testing him not because she thought he did not know the answers, but because he seemed to be purposely telling her the wrong answer to see her reaction.

We are in the middle of trying to figure out a better placement for JJ.  The school district has a self-contained gifted class room that they are starting next year.  It will be made up of kids that are gifted in all areas (that they measure for academics).  In many ways I think this will be fantastic for JJ.  We are waiting to see if he is accepted, hopefully we find out today.

Anyway, back to breakfast this morning, I looked at Anna and it hit me -- describe how length of hair does not affect femininity.  So I asked the kids, "Does the fact that Anna has long hair and I have short hair affect whether or not we are girls?" 
Right away Andrew chirped in, "Well, yeah, she is a girl and you are not, but it had nothing to do with hair.  She is young and you are not" (again with Andrew telling me I am old...what is with that kid?). 
OK, I forgot who I was talking to and did not choose my words as carefully as I should have.  "Alright good point Andrew.  Does our hair length affect our femininity?"
"No mom."
Back to my point I was trying to make, "Well, if someone thought that hair length was the only measure of what makes a girl, I mean female, than they might think that I am not a woman."  At this point I bring the parallel points that I was initially trying to make about being gifted.  We talk about how Anna and Andrew are gifted in piano/musical abilities, JJ is academically gifted in his learning style, etc.  I focus on how many people are gifted in different areas, but even if some aren't gifted that doesn't mean they are not smart.

Being with my kids, I feel like a world traveler who goes from Chicago to New York by way of the Ukraine.  I had never guessed how much teaching I would do as a mother.  I have a feeling that many of the things that I verbally teach to my children are due to their Autism/lack of ability to socially learn (picking up learning from watching others learning) sometimes called incidental learning.  I also recognize that this is part of the nurturing that society does not recognize as a major responsibility of parents, and specifically mothers.  It is trivialized to the point that as long as we find reputable sports clubs, high achieving schools or daycare that we are fulfilling that duty.  Somehow our job as parents is to help our children feel fulfilled and entertained.  I think there is a great underestimation in the need for these conversations and learning experiences with our rising generation.  It is the opportunity where we can develop skills, compassion, and wisdom within our children that takes an incremental development that can't happen when we are eating on the go, watching TV during dinner or in school.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I have achieved my ultimate plan...(Andrew)

...I only need to get 3 million more of these X-wing fighters and I can take over the world!

Mom (sitting in the front seat driving the car out of the Hobby Lobby parking lot) - So should I start saving more 40% off coupons for you?

Andrew - When I get home I can have my ice cream and sit down and start working on this model.

Mom - Uh...do you know what time it is?  It was 7:40 when we left.  Your bedtime is 8:00 dude.

Andrew - Lady put the pedal to the metal!

Mom (laughing and to herself) You are quite a character.  (Then I get flashes of my childhood memories.  Our pediatrician walking into the room and asking me a question to which I reply very matter-of-factly, but in a very untypical humorous way, and he chuckles, shaking his head saying to my mother, "She's a character, isn't she?"  My mom agrees.  Fast forward to being in the counseling office in high school preparing applications for college.  The guidance counselor asks me to describe myself so I respond that, "I am a character."  She gives me an odd look and politely asks me if I understand what that means.

Back in the car in Arizona, Andrew - I would appreciate it if you could make sure you are going the speed limit or slightly above it.


Side note - When I relayed this conversation to my husband, he smiled and commented, Andrew sure got his sense of humor from you.