Ok, this week was Jeff's final week of (Graduate) school. He graduated on Saturday morning. The amount of stress in our house seemed to bounce around much like that Atari game Pong(?). You know where the ball just keeps bouncing back and forth and you have to make it bounce off your paddle before it goes "out". I don't think we had realized how much stress both of us feel and have felt over the last year.
I wish stress was like de-cluttering, because I'd like to drop it off at Goodwill or put it out on the curb for bulk trash to pickup. We are finding ways to de-stress - we cleaned out the garage on Friday (which was a huge help - thanks Trent for helping with that). I am spending the day in bed today (my back is very sore and if I push it any harder will mean a long a difficult recovery) which is weird because it is Sunday. Jeff joked that the stress was the only thing keeping me upright and when that left, so did my back strength.
Yesterday we had a spontaneous Graduation/Birthday party for Jeff. I did not plan it well, because this last couple of weeks have been more about surviving the day than planning ahead. I wish I would have been able to contact more of Jeff's friends and such, but I wasn't. Jeff enjoyed the day and thanked me for such a fun time. (Yeah!! At least he felt it was successful!)
Sunday, May 17, 2009
...slam dunk, mom!
Occasionally I feel (or have pointed out to me in this case) what a great mom I am. Don't laugh to hard, I know for me part of the purpose of this blog is to catalog the successes, and struggles, I have relating directly to being a mom. After my husband observed this interchange between my daughter and I, he gave me a big hug and told me what a great mom I am.
One afternoon AnnaLisa and I were talking about the twins (due in September) and she asked me, "Mom, will the twins have pretty red hair like MaggieMae?" I said, "I don't know what color hair they will have. Right now they don't have hair at all (AnnaLisa giggles). They could have pretty red hair like MaggieMae or pretty brown hair like you (and me)." AnnaLisa perked right up with a huge grin, only to be troubled a minute later by telling me, "Mom, I have light brown hair".
Jeff thought that was really great. For me, it was simply a reality of life, we maybe more popular in the world because of our physical traits, but that does not make us more beautiful.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
pride difficulties
About a year after we were married, Jeff got laid off. AnnaLisa was born a month later. After about 6 months of still looking for a job, I suggested that we move to my parents house to save rent money. My parents have a 5 bedroom house plus two apartments that fit 12 people which would be empty for the summer. We had no reason to stay where we lived, and it seemed real logical to me. I felt that Jeff might not be very open to it, so I prayed that his heart would be softened for a couple of days before I suggested it to him. He was surprisingly open to it, although I could tell that he was resistant. I suggested rather than discuss it today, that he take a few days to pray about it and then we would talk about it. Well, shortly there after we decided that it would be a good move.
At that point I called my mom, who of course was thrilled, and we moved in a month later. We ended up living there for about 1 1/2 months. It was really great because we got close to my parents and my brother, who lives around the corner from my parents. We then moved out of state to Arizona. I was glad to have that time of closeness to them.
That was 7 years ago. Today I found out that he struggled with the move. He says looking back it was his pride (which I admit that moving into your in-laws would probably be difficult for anyone). I never knew he struggled with it. I knew it was not a desired choice by him, but I never knew it was that difficult.
In a slightly ironic way, it is interesting to me that moving to my parents brought relief to me. I knew that we could stay there pretty much as long as we needed. It helped me relax a lot - interesting how the same situation is so different for others.
It always amazes me when I learn something knew about my husband. I am also pleased that while it was tough for him, he chose to do what we felt was right and was a huge blessing for our family.
At that point I called my mom, who of course was thrilled, and we moved in a month later. We ended up living there for about 1 1/2 months. It was really great because we got close to my parents and my brother, who lives around the corner from my parents. We then moved out of state to Arizona. I was glad to have that time of closeness to them.
That was 7 years ago. Today I found out that he struggled with the move. He says looking back it was his pride (which I admit that moving into your in-laws would probably be difficult for anyone). I never knew he struggled with it. I knew it was not a desired choice by him, but I never knew it was that difficult.
In a slightly ironic way, it is interesting to me that moving to my parents brought relief to me. I knew that we could stay there pretty much as long as we needed. It helped me relax a lot - interesting how the same situation is so different for others.
It always amazes me when I learn something knew about my husband. I am also pleased that while it was tough for him, he chose to do what we felt was right and was a huge blessing for our family.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Yep, I have one of those kind of husbands...
Not to long ago I read a friends blog and she was commenting about how her husband was "one of those kind of husbands...". The idea intrigued me, so I am finally getting around to writing about my husband.
Tonight when I got home from the store, I caught him mid-act...he was cleaning the kids bathroom. Now as if that was not bad enough (and trust me with at least one son who is still having difficulty with aiming it is bad enough by itself), I noticed when I put the groceries down on the counter that they were clean. I could hear the quite motor of the dishwasher chugging along as it washed tonight's dishes. Then to add to it all, he ran back and forth bringing the groceries in from the car while I put the food away. What kind of husband does this?!
On his second or third trip in from the car, I teasingly asked him if he needed me to leave because I got home too soon (he was still working on the bathrooms). He smiled and went to get the rest of the groceries.
I know I have a gem when it comes to husbands. Now he did not start out this way. Right after we got married I remember him sitting down in front of the computer and "ignoring" me for hours. And don't think that I caused this change although I am sure I had a bit to do with it. He has over the years become more helpful. It is a change that has helped both of us, but was his choice all along.
I think one of the reason's why I had some part in this is because for me being married to him has caused me opportunities to reflect and change my attitudes and behaviors. I think it is based in the realization that I want myself and my marriage to be really good. Jeff set a couple of examples for me that really helped. The first is that he refused to "keep track". If a baby had a stinky diaper, it was whoever had the baby at the time, not the person who has not most recently changed a diaper. Now if someone gets "lucky" and gets three stinky diapers in a row, than Jeff would probably jump in and change the next one. This not keeping track made me realize that it may be my turn every time or no time or just whenever I am available. It was a change from the way I grew up which was very much "Even Steven".
Another reason, which I will take credit for, is that I do not nag Jeff. I ask once, and if he does not do it, either I do it or it does not get done. Over the years I think he has become accustom to doing it when it is asked. He knows that I hate nagging (which is why I refuse to do it), and decided that he does not want to encourage that on any level, so he tries to help out before being asked or at the first request.
Jeff has shared one thought that has helped him over the years. He asked his dad for advice on how to love someone (a girl he was dating long before me) and his dad responded, "Serve her". Well, thankfully he never fell in love with her, but he definitely loves me a lot. I think it shows a great deal of self-control to serve someone that you are not feeling very loving towards or loved by. Over the years I have seen him jump in on tons of different tasks to help me.
Well, these are some of the reasons why I think Jeff is wonderful. I am glad he has stayed with me for 8 1/2 years. I just think he is terrific. I am thankful that so many of his actions are not based on what he would prefer to do or what he is comfortable with. I think his attitude has become "what would help out my family the most right now?" I think whatever the phrase is that captures his attitude, is wonderful, especially at a time when my patience, fortitude, and abilities are limited.
Tonight when I got home from the store, I caught him mid-act...he was cleaning the kids bathroom. Now as if that was not bad enough (and trust me with at least one son who is still having difficulty with aiming it is bad enough by itself), I noticed when I put the groceries down on the counter that they were clean. I could hear the quite motor of the dishwasher chugging along as it washed tonight's dishes. Then to add to it all, he ran back and forth bringing the groceries in from the car while I put the food away. What kind of husband does this?!
On his second or third trip in from the car, I teasingly asked him if he needed me to leave because I got home too soon (he was still working on the bathrooms). He smiled and went to get the rest of the groceries.
I know I have a gem when it comes to husbands. Now he did not start out this way. Right after we got married I remember him sitting down in front of the computer and "ignoring" me for hours. And don't think that I caused this change although I am sure I had a bit to do with it. He has over the years become more helpful. It is a change that has helped both of us, but was his choice all along.
I think one of the reason's why I had some part in this is because for me being married to him has caused me opportunities to reflect and change my attitudes and behaviors. I think it is based in the realization that I want myself and my marriage to be really good. Jeff set a couple of examples for me that really helped. The first is that he refused to "keep track". If a baby had a stinky diaper, it was whoever had the baby at the time, not the person who has not most recently changed a diaper. Now if someone gets "lucky" and gets three stinky diapers in a row, than Jeff would probably jump in and change the next one. This not keeping track made me realize that it may be my turn every time or no time or just whenever I am available. It was a change from the way I grew up which was very much "Even Steven".
Another reason, which I will take credit for, is that I do not nag Jeff. I ask once, and if he does not do it, either I do it or it does not get done. Over the years I think he has become accustom to doing it when it is asked. He knows that I hate nagging (which is why I refuse to do it), and decided that he does not want to encourage that on any level, so he tries to help out before being asked or at the first request.
Jeff has shared one thought that has helped him over the years. He asked his dad for advice on how to love someone (a girl he was dating long before me) and his dad responded, "Serve her". Well, thankfully he never fell in love with her, but he definitely loves me a lot. I think it shows a great deal of self-control to serve someone that you are not feeling very loving towards or loved by. Over the years I have seen him jump in on tons of different tasks to help me.
Well, these are some of the reasons why I think Jeff is wonderful. I am glad he has stayed with me for 8 1/2 years. I just think he is terrific. I am thankful that so many of his actions are not based on what he would prefer to do or what he is comfortable with. I think his attitude has become "what would help out my family the most right now?" I think whatever the phrase is that captures his attitude, is wonderful, especially at a time when my patience, fortitude, and abilities are limited.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Life is simple, but not easy
One of the recent conversations I have had with Jeff lately revolved around feeling good about what is happening in our lives. We simply feel that we are doing what we should be doing. We don't feel perfect, but we feel like our attention, actions, etc are where they should be. With my sister's family moving in with us in the next month or so we are really aware that this will put on a lot of stress on us, but we also feel that we will be blessed by having her family in our home. We feel like Kathy's family will help us in areas that we struggle in and hopefully we will be a blessing to them as well. At first when we felt like we should offer for them to move in (6 months ago) we thought we would be doing them a favor. As the time approaches I think we are realizing that it will be difficult (12 people in 1600 sq feet) with two families and life styles merging, but we are also seeing some of the blessings. Last Saturday we watched Jade for a few hours. She and MaggieMae played all morning and entertained themselves. They really enjoyed each other. Now I suppose that may wear off, but it really floored me how much they had fun together. It was also easier for me. I had lots of free time (not that as a mother that is my goal, but it is nice not to have to sing Wheels on the Bus 12 times in a row). As Jeff and I watched Jade and MaggieMae play we realized this would be a great blessing in her life.
I have also had similar experiences with other members of Kathy's family. One of Kathy and AnnaLisa comes to mind, where Kathy was able to make a teaching moment out of a casual conversation with AnnaLisa. But this was no regular teaching moment, this was on that demonstrated Kathy's skills as a teacher and her knowledge of Human Development. It was cool to sit and watch. I took notes. :)
Life is meant to be challenging. We are meant to go through trials and learn from those trials things like humility, compassion, self-reliance, when to ask for help, faith in Jesus Christ, etc. I don't think we need to seek for trials, it seems to me the ones that hunt you down are the ones that help you the most. The ones you let yourself walk into are generally the ones that you really knew how to avoid in the first place, you just were not exercising restraint, common sense, etc.
So when people say that their life is hard, I agree. But I remind them that it is simple. If it were easy, we would not be able to learn and then demonstrate ways to be more like the Saviour.
I have also had similar experiences with other members of Kathy's family. One of Kathy and AnnaLisa comes to mind, where Kathy was able to make a teaching moment out of a casual conversation with AnnaLisa. But this was no regular teaching moment, this was on that demonstrated Kathy's skills as a teacher and her knowledge of Human Development. It was cool to sit and watch. I took notes. :)
Life is meant to be challenging. We are meant to go through trials and learn from those trials things like humility, compassion, self-reliance, when to ask for help, faith in Jesus Christ, etc. I don't think we need to seek for trials, it seems to me the ones that hunt you down are the ones that help you the most. The ones you let yourself walk into are generally the ones that you really knew how to avoid in the first place, you just were not exercising restraint, common sense, etc.
So when people say that their life is hard, I agree. But I remind them that it is simple. If it were easy, we would not be able to learn and then demonstrate ways to be more like the Saviour.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Funny things heard around our house
Prayer time:
Andrew: "Please bless Amanda (friend's baby crying during the prayer) to stop crying". At that point the baby stopped.
At a training meeting about depression:
Fellow student, "Many women struggle with not being a size three ...".
I laugh, turn sideways and tell them, "I am a perfect size three". FYI, my belly measures 42 inches (20 weeks). When MaggieMae was born, I was 45 inches (at 40 weeks).
Chatting with husband in bed at night:
Kristina snuggling in when her belly gets caught on Jeff's elbow. Kristina "Sorry". Jeff, "That's ok, ever since the first, our kids always seem to be coming between us."
Jeff, "I think I am going to start call you (Kristina) 'babies', instead of babe when I see you. (Please remember that I am pregnant with twins).
Andrew: "Please bless Amanda (friend's baby crying during the prayer) to stop crying". At that point the baby stopped.
At a training meeting about depression:
Fellow student, "Many women struggle with not being a size three ...".
I laugh, turn sideways and tell them, "I am a perfect size three". FYI, my belly measures 42 inches (20 weeks). When MaggieMae was born, I was 45 inches (at 40 weeks).
Chatting with husband in bed at night:
Kristina snuggling in when her belly gets caught on Jeff's elbow. Kristina "Sorry". Jeff, "That's ok, ever since the first, our kids always seem to be coming between us."
Jeff, "I think I am going to start call you (Kristina) 'babies', instead of babe when I see you. (Please remember that I am pregnant with twins).
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