A soft answer...

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” - Proverbs 15:1

When I was younger I read this and thought, “I will try this next time someone is angry at me, and it will “turn their anger away”. Well, I tried it, and it did not work. In addition to it not working, it made me angry because they were not doing what they were suppose to, and on this point, the bible must be wrong.

As I have grown and matured over the years, I have revisted this thought and scripture. I have 6 small children at home, and sometimes we find ourselves in situations of wrath or contention. I tried this again, and still no luck. Recently I had an experience that has finally clarified this for me. As I reflected on this scripture, it hit me that it is not talking about the other person. This whole scripture applies only to reader. So next time I found myself with someone who was “in their wrath”(we have lots of opportunities to work on this) towards me, I tried to apply this new understanding. Instead of answering softly and expecting them to calm down, I answered softly and felt myself remain calm. A realization came over me that using a soft answer helps me to stay in control and helps me not to raise anger (or add to the anger) of others.

I have (at least) one child who struggles with his anger. He will get upset about something and within moments will blow up into uncontrolled rage. He has thrown objects at others with the intent to hurt them, as well as being extremely reckless with his body. This has caused a lot of harm to members of the family. When you see one child hurting other of your children, it is very hard to remain calm and loving (soft). I have found that when I am calm, I don't escalate my child and I can have inspiration come to me about things that I can do to distract or relieve his anger.

Today in my scripture study, I read another Proverb 29:22, “An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.” As I read this, I realized that in the past, I had allowed myself to become angry and then I stirred up strife with my child, who choose to escalate his behavior (in our house we call that “pushing each others buttons”). I realize now that not only is the Proverb true, but that the scriptures in whole need to be applied to me personally.