Conflict, part 1

I couldn't help but laugh as I heard my kids arguing in the back seat of our car. It was your basic, "did...did not...did...did not...did...did not" argument. For some reason I have become very philosophically interested in conflict/argument. When I have been hearing children (or even occasionally my spouse and I) argue, I hear a narrator in my head evaluating what the issue is, what can be learned from this, and where the misunderstanding is. Now, I must confess, other than decades of experience with arguing - not continuously mind you- I have not had any instruction of any sort of this. So this will be a layman's look at this subject. It is interesting to me both people can be honest, fair, and seeking the good of the other above their own, and still get into arguments! Any and all comments are welcome!

So I got to be the verbal narrator to my kids as we worked through this argument. Andrew insisted he said something one way, Maggie insisted he said it another way. I knew who was wrong, I also knew even with a video camera that could go back in time, I would not be able to convince the wrong one of their fault. So I chose a different tactic. I explained to Andrew that while he felt he said something one way, obviously Maggie did not hear it that way and arguing would not straighten it out. So it would just be best to accept that their was a disagreement, set the record straight as to what was meant to be said, and continue on with life. Hmmm - sounds so nice and easy, and yet, the argument turned in my direction as he felt this was a ridiculous request and that he must prove her wrong. We discussed the idea of being a peacemaker, and I asked him if he felt he was being a peacemaker. He said, no he was not - at least he was seeing that part of it clearly.

In our house one of our goals is to be a peacemaker. I have never given an opposite of that, because honestly I am not interested in labeling my kids like that. It is interesting however, that the kids have found an opposite - troublemaker. My kids will willing offer up this label when I ask a sibling if they are being peacemakers. I am trying to peacefully find solutions, so I don't support this, however, I haven't de-supported it either.

So with that I guess I have opened the subject of conflict/arguing/etc. So feel free to post your observations, I have several other posts that I have been working through other types of arguments and what the purpose of them are, of course in my perspective, but I'd enjoy it if you would share your opinion too...would not...would...would not...would...