Prayer - Ask and you shall receive, seek and ye shall find...

I think prayer is a misunderstood and undervalued.  It is something that while it can be amazing and powerful upon first use, it can take a lifetime to develop.  I do not suppose to be an authority in any aspect of the gospel (with the exception of sinning, I can do that rather well), I do wish to share what I have learned through my own study and experiences of myself and others.

Prayer is one of the tools that God has given us.  If you stop and think about it, prayer does not "help" God in any way.  He already knows what is happening, what our thoughts and desires are (better than we do) and knows what would be the best solution (Matt. 6:8).  Prayer is given to us and required of us because it will help us.  So if it to be so helpful, why do so many people struggle with it?  

For me prayer is hard sometimes because it requires me to stop the world spinning and get off of it for a few minutes.  I just get going and planning on what needs to happen, how to meet my needs and the needs of my family and I just don't think to pray.  Other times when I do pray I struggle with focusing on talking with God and not drifting off to coordinating my day, remembering what I need to pick up at the store,...  But then there are the times that prayer is what I wish it could be every time I pray - peaceful, soul wrenching, awe inspiring, and full of answers and sometimes bringing questions as well.  Before we can really get into this aspect of what results from prayer, we really need to figure out what prayer is and how to use it.

In my bible dictionary under prayer it reads, "Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other.   The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them.  Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them.  Prayer is a form of work..."

I still remember the first time I read this definition.  I thought it was all wrong.  How could prayer be a form of work?  Pray is religious, spiritual - work is sweaty, undesirable, income earning...  So then as I reflected on it, there were a few thoughts that came to my mind.  Prayer, like work, can improve with practice.  No I do not "practice" praying like one might practice a piano (playing the same piece over and over again), but rather like one practices cooking or driving - by doing it.  And just like other activities that you practice by doing, prayer gets easier with consistent, educated prayer.  Consistent I am sure most can understand, after all God is a being (and I believe this is the very minimum of His description) and He would be best communicated with on a regular basis.  I feel that we should be communicating with God several times a day formally, and all day unformally (often called having a prayer in our hearts).  But how does being educated affect your prayers?  In the scriptures Jesus Christ commands us to learn of him and to read his word.  When you do this specifically looking for insights about prayer, it is amazing the things that you learn that affect how you pray and your understanding of how you get answers.  That is right, I believe and have received answers to my prayers.  I believe everyone can do this, but first let's look at some of those insights about prayer.  

Prayer is a commandment (Luke 21:36 ...pray always...).  Like all commandments, we are blessed for our obedience.

We are to pray in the name, mind, and will of Christ.  I understand this to be that He will most likely not answer my prayers to win the lottery or to cover my sins for me.  When we seek guidance and direction from the Lord, we have the most success when our actions reflect what we have learned of Him. 

Prayer works best when we understand our relationship with God.  I understand that He is our Father (Acts 17:29).  I repeat, I literally believe that He is my Father in Heaven who is the Father of my spirit.  I believe that I am His child and that we have a personal relationship with each other.  When I pray and remember this relationship, it becomes easier for me to focus on Him and to discuss with Him what is happening in my life.  

What is happening in my life?  Didn't I already say that He knows all these things?  Then why should I talk with Him about these things?  It helps me.  That is the point that I think most people don't get, when I pray sincerely - it helps me.  It  helps me to figure out where my weakness' are, it helps me to figure out how to work with my children, it helps me to feel peace (eventually, sometimes I takes me a bit of repentance first - this is a concept of the gospel that I am getting much practice with - see earlier note about sinning).  It also helps me get input from God.  It helps me to feel after Him (Acts 17:27).  Now when I say it "helps me figure things out" I don't suppose that I am directing myself.  Rather I have felt his guidance and influence in my recognizing my weaknesses and what I need to change.  

To me prayer is amazing, wonderful, and humbling.  I am thankful having been taught to pray and having learned (through study of His word and experience) how to benefit from it in my life.  It is in prayer when I have felt most His love surrounding and guiding me.

Mom's - what do they do anyway?

What does a Mom do? In my book, a Mom helps to develop, nurture, and strengthen a child physically, emotionally, and intellectually. The first time I understood about the job of a Mom I thought of a "pace runner". This is a person whose job is not to win the race, but rather who runs with the one seeking to win so that they will run at the right speed. Usually the pace runner doesn't finish the race because they used up their energy helping the "winner" run at the appropriate speed to keep their pace at the correct level to win. Pace runners and race winners usually train together. In high school I ran track. We did not usually have a pace runner unless someone was specifically trying to beat a record or qualify for state competition. Then coach would put someone (pace runner) who ran a fast shorter race along with the person striving to win the record. The pace runner would run his usual speed and duration falling out of the race about part way through (because their energy was used up). Then the competitor would continue at that speed.

The idea behind this concept is that the one trying to achieve a record is able to do it, but does not always monitor or push enough to do it on their own. When paired with someone who can show the way and push the runner, then the runner rises to their potential. This to me is one of the grandest responsibilities of Motherhood. It is to help others to reach their potential. It is to hold their hand, drive them to practice, or dare dream of what may be. Motherhood is not only how we help our children (and, let's face it, our husbands too) to reach their potential, but it is one of the ways how we as women reach our potential.  I don't think that Motherhood is restricted to women who bare or adopt children.  I have had a "Mother's" influence by a lot of women in my life that were not related to me, some of whom had no children of their own.  

When I think of pace runners, it helps to ease the weariness that I feel at the end of the day when my 1 year old is not quite ready to go to bed and I am.  I realize that my job is not to beat my children at running the race, but simply to be with them day in and day out to run along side of them, to help them achieve more and then to simply bow out and let them receive the accolades.

How do I achieve/do so much?

I actually get asked this question a lot.  Usually it is more of a rhetorical/complimentary tone rather than a true inquiry for understanding.  I have been thinking a lot about it lately because of the last person that asked me.  She is a woman that I feel accomplishes a lot and whom I respect. So here are so of the methods that I have realized upon reflection.  

I surround myself with good people.  By this I mean that I have been able to over the years build up friends and acquaintances that add positive things to my life.  My friend asked me this after I mentioned a conversation that I had at book club last week.  I believe her exact words were, "You are in a book club too?  You are superwoman".  For me this book club is extremely low maintenance.  It was started a few years ago by a couple of mutual friends that were Lit. majors in college.  Their goal was to find books that reflected this goal "seek ye out of the best books 'words of wisdom' ".  The idea of others finding books that I could read that would be uplifting and teach me wisdom appealed to me.  Over the last three years I have read over 40 books.  I would not say all of them taught me wisdom, but most of them have helped me to broaden my thinking and understand better what other people may think.  

Another method that I have is that I get involved in "high success or return" endeavors.  For me this means making a difference in the world around me.  A couple of obvious endeavors are being a mom and volunteering in the schools my kids are in.  A few not so obvious are educating myself in politics and advocating for Early Intervention.  These are areas that I initially felt inadequate in but as I have found avenues for educating myself in them, I have grown in confidence and ability.  Most of my education in politics has come from simply going to our once a month (Republican) district meeting.  During election times they have a lot of the candidates debate or talk.  They also usually go over propositions and we discuss what they mean and what they would influence.  This helps me to feel better educated when I go to the polls to vote.  In off election season, they will often teach classes about the Constitution, Bill of Rights and other such laws.  In Early Intervention I have been able to be educated in better understanding what is best practice and personally realized that families are often undervalued by themselves as to how important and able they are to support their children's needs.

I also (try to) go to bed early - 9:00 and get up early - 5:00.  This I have found works best for me.  It is hard to adjust to when I get off track, but it allows me time to prepare myself for the day before my kids get up.  I feel alert and rested when I do this.  Jeff, my husband, has to get up at this time for his work schedule, so it has the double benefit of being a sleep schedule that works well for him.  If I were to write a book on having a great marriage, it would include going to bed and getting up at the same time as your spouse.  I see that it has been a wonderful blessing for us. 

While these are not a comprehensive list, I think that surrounding myself with good people doing good things, educating myself while involving myself in my community, and getting enough sleep are a few of the more important ways that I accomplish a lot.  Most of all, I do not take on more than I can handle.  While I have always enjoyed being busy and involved in making a positive contribution, I have also learned that I can only do so much.  When I reach that limit, I let people know that I am too busy for any more.

The Magic Word

If you already read my Manners post, this will make sense.  Just a brief review - in my world (that I am teaching to my children) there are Good Manners and everything else.  Everything else would be classified as Bad Manners.  So where does the "The Magic Word" fit in?  

When my children have asked what "The Magic Word" is I tell them "Abra-Cadabra".  It works best when you are making something disappear.  To me "Please" is not magic, it is Good Manners.  There is nothing magic about Good Manners, it is simply a way to show respect to others and yourself.

I must confess that I have another dislike for "Please" being wrongly used.  I have had three children that have had serious speech delay challenges.  I have heard arguments back and forth about whether to teach children to use "please" and "thank you".  For those of you not familiar I will give you a brief update.  There are some in the disability community who feel that it is most important that their children be able to have Good Manners, even if that is all they are able to communicate in other ways.  I believe this is based off of the idea that at the very minimal your children will be respected for being respectful.  There are others that feel that specifically "Please" and "Thank you" should be taught only after your children have been able to sufficiently communicate their needs.  This thought process is that we don't want our child using "please" instead of communicating the actual need (instead of asking for a cookie, the child simply says "please").  For me I fall into the latter group.  My first concern was not my children having manners, it was communication.  For 2 years old my oldest daughter's only form of communication were two phrases, "Shut the door" and "Watch out".  This went on for 9 months.  I literally remember crying one day because I could not find a cupboard or hallway door to close (my usual reaction to her saying this was to close whatever was open and this usually resolved whatever it was that she was talking about).  She kept repeating it over and over again.  Finally I opened a door, just so I could close it.  That was a day I questioned my sanity (oddly enough I did not think to question hers).  Now three and a half years later, she can communicate all her needs as well as being a chatty little first grader.  She has excellent Manners including asking to be excused from the table after a meal (that one she picked up from somewhere else and brought it home).

So if you ask me what "The Magic Word" is, don't be surprised if I ask you where your Top Hat, Cape, and Wand are.

Non-manners, is there such a thing?

To me it is interesting that as I have had to think about teaching my children manners, I have had to redefine them.  I use to think of Manners as having Good Manners, Bad Manners, and a third category - Non-Manners.  

Good Manners meant saying please and thank you, asking if you "May I have ..." instead of saying "Can I have...".  I had been taught that one reason Manners are suppose to be used is so that all know what to expect and all are respected.  When I became pregnant and I felt like my hips were falling apart, I began to appreciate people offering a lady their seat in a crowded room or bus.  I never would have known why this would be so beneficial until I was the one in the situation.

Bad Manners was being rude: burping (in USA), farting, not thanking someone or asking politely for something, no saying "please", dirty looks, ignoring others in obvious need, etc.

Then in my mind there was "Non-Manners".  This would be neither Good or Bad Manners.  So while you are not saying please and thank you, you are also not being rude or disrespectful.  This would be the category that I would place most people in basing this off of 5 years of waitressing (yes, I made this word up - I know I gave that disclaimer in my bio.) experience.

Then I started teaching my children about manners.  I heard myself using  phases like "Remember your Manners" and "Don't forget your Manners".  This is when a little voice in my head (that usually has an obscure sense of humor says, "Those are manners, just not good ones.")  So then I switched to reminding my children, "Please use your Good Manners".    That was when I came to the realization that if I am encouraging my children to develop Good Manners (which I take as a responsibility of Motherhood) than what I always classified as Non-Manners is really Bad Manners.  I mean can you hear my saying, "Don't forget your Non-Manners.  This is one of the things that made me realize that in our society we become so accepting of everyone (because we do not want to offend anyone) that we end up making specialized categories that don't really exist.  Non-Manners ask Emily Post about that one, I bet she has never heard of it.

So I guess Manners now goes into the Black and White category of my life.

PS  In our house the "Magic Word" is Abra-Cadabra.  And it gets you nothing unless you make a floating person under a sheet disappear.

My mom and others just like her

I knew before I started this blog that this had to be an entry.  Many times we give credit to mothers in society - but what for?  When you ask someone what a Mom does, you will usually get at least 2 of the 3 following answers:  takes care of the kids, does the laundry, cooks.  Depending on the age of the child you will get wild cards thrown in like:  changes many diapers daily, chauffeurs the children around.  If a child had a medical or developmental need you will almost always get:  takes kids to therapy, schedules doctor appointments.

I have been a mom for almost 7 years, while a lot of those responsibilities were the most time consuming part of my job, they do not catch the essence of my job.  I have done a lot of pondering and evaluating on what my job entails.  A large chunk of this research was to look back at my life (and to ask my husband for his personal feelings about what his mom and what I do) and have a amassed a composite picture of it.  This entry will not detail all of it, but rather some of what I have gleaned from my mother and others just like her.

Like most people, I think my Mom is the best.  She did so much for me.  I don't think about diapers, laundry, or chauffeuring.  I think about the time she told me she would have to trust my judgement when as a sixteen year old I told her I was dating a 20 year old (what was I thinking?  As a side note, that confidence she voiced in me paid off when I found out what he was thinking and dumped him after the second date). 

I feel that my Mom has the gift of "faith to believe".  I never questioned if my Mom believed in God, believed we should do what was right even when it was inconvenient, believed that ours was to honor what we had promised God that we would do.  I learned from her that I did not need to know every little detail before you could have faith in God.  She gave me the opportunity to learn the gospel very young.  We had the scriptures in  a "reader format" (think comic book without all the "POW's or BAM's") that had tapes that went along with the words.  I loved laying on the living room floor and reading these.  

She also taught me that when things needed to be done, regardless of how undesirable, that you just do it.  I have done somethings that have surprised a lot of people -waiting tables in High School with no front teeth (due to car accident) being one example.  She taught me lying was never acceptable.  Hard work  is another asset that she gave me.  She has given me many other gifts, but the best is her friendship.  I can honestly say that she has been my best friend for almost two decades now (since I became an adult).

There have been other women in my life who have taught me wonderful things that to me rank right up there with the "Mom" category.  My Mother-in-law has been a great influence on me.  She has taught me to be more gracious and we enjoy discussing many contemporary topics.  There are many other woman out there who have influenced me over the years.  I still return to the idea that being a mother has nothing to do with laundry, chauffeuring, or cooking.  It has to do with patiently teaching the next generation how to take care of themselves and the world around them.  It may come in a package of cooking, cleaning, or chauffeuring but it is the teaching that is involved.  It is the talents that are developed in the process.

It has taken me a few years to appreciate this responsibility.  I spent sometime feeling lonely and depressed about motherhood.  Then I spent a few years feeling overwhelmed and desperately trying to stay ahead of the game.  Recently I started a search to better understand motherhood.  What are mother's suppose to do?  I knew it was more than cooking, cleaning, and chauffeuring, but what more?  Then I stumbled across an article that talked about Motherhood that was written in 1981 by Ezra Taft Benson.  He speaks of what is valuable about women and what our responsibilities are.  This for me was one of the turning points to me understanding and finally enjoying Motherhood.

As a final note, I know that I am breaking some of the English Grammar rules by capitalizing Mom, Mother, and Motherhood, but I do it as a form of respect for the position.  We would all do well to give a little more respect to Mothers.