Monday, February 23, 2009

How many kids?!

So with already having four kids (two boys and two girls) and announcing that we are expecting twins, we have had some interesting comments. Mostly we have only told relatives and people within the (LDS) church whom tend to have the same types of belief about having children. But I have had enough comments about the amount of children that I want to pull together my thoughts on this.

First of all, I don't think there is any "magic number or combination" of children to have. I don't think you need one of each gender (as if they were suppose to be a matched set like Salt and Pepper). I don't think you should have the same amount at your mother, sister, friend, or anyone else. I do think that you and your husband should agree on it (and I leave that to other couples to decide how they feel). And while I do feel that we all should have children (speaking as a world) I do not feel that it is anyone's place to tell others how or when they should precede on this topic.

I have had discussions with people about their "limits". I think my SIL summed it up best when she said that she was happy with the children that she had and if she were to add more, than she would probably go crazy. I agree with her. I don't want to be crazy with my kids. I want them to remember me as a fun, happy mom who was there to help them out.

Personally I think that a mother should have as many as she feels good about. A relative recently commented that she would be holding her family at X kids and was glad I was filling any "Grandma" needs with my brood. I laughed (because although Grandma's never mean to put any pressure, you always see the delight in their faces when you tell them that you are expecting a little one). But as anyone who knows me, that doesn't affect why we decided to have more children.

We decided, well actually lets give the complete story - I decided that I felt it was time to have another baby. I am well aware of my age (37, for all those who still think I am in my twenties) and know that with age comes added risk and slower recovery. Jeff and I had talked of having two more, but were not sure if that was really going to happen. I told him how I felt. He knew of this for a while and contemplated it. One night we went to the temple (for those not LDS, the temple is a "more holy" for lack of a better way to describe it - worship place). Jeff was contemplating life and where we were when a scripture came into his mind referring to having more children. He felt peaceful about this, so we proceeded. The plan was for one more, but we were blessed with twins.

Well, we think this is probably the last pregnancy for me. But as we try to seek the guidance of the Lord, we leave it in His hands.

My last thought is that we are entering into the Creation process with God. We are agreeing to bring His children to earth, give them a physical body, and be responsible for teaching them them things they need to know and do to return to live with Him. I take that responsibility seriously.

I can do it!!! Do what?


Sometimes I just don't know how to say what I am feeling in the way that it feels inside. I am going to try, but forgive if this comes out wrong or unclear. I just know that right now, it needs to come out.

So funny the different reactions that I get when people find out we are having twins. One of the most common is, "Well, if anyone can do it, I know you can". I know people are simply showing their support - and yes I will do it. But let's be honest, a lot of things I end up doing terrify me especially at the beginning. I suppose that is the way all of us are to some extent - assuming that we get ourselves up off the couch and involved in the world around us. But somedays I just feel like I am on a Merry-Go-Round of challenging things.

I finally answered someone last week when they said this to me, "Well, see it is not something I have a choice in whether or not I am having twins. Right now it is simply a fact. I see my choice in having a good attitude about it, so I will do that". It is not that I don't appreciate her confidence - she is a very nice person that I look up to in many ways.

I think where I get muddled down is that I don't feel that as a Mother I am any more amazing than the next woman. I am just trying to do what is best for my kids. Thank heavens for a husband who values that and supports me so much in that area. For me there came a time when was no longer a choice. You just do what your kids need you to do - no questions, just do. The part where the question comes in is whether I am going to have a good attitude about doing it.

I started off Motherhood with a not-so-good attitude. I think at first I thought my kids were suppose to fit around my schedule. Then about four years ago (when my kids were diagnosed with autism) I realized that my kid's needs had to be more focused in on by me than my own needs. I had to do the things that my kids needed so they could learn to talk, play, run, interact with others, cut with scissors, etc. So many things that children learn casually had to be consciously taught to my children. I had a lot of help during this time (my sister, SIL, and a few of the Blake clan) really helped support us in this. -Oh, and the Great State of Arizona and Gilbert Public Schools helped a lot too.

Here is the interesting thing to me, that as my kid's needs were being met, so were mine. I found a greater purpose and better calling as a mother. I "lost my self, only to find my (true) self". I have greater peace, understanding, and yes- patience. I have a stronger understanding of the purpose of our lives here, why Jesus was willing to come and sacrifice himself, and how God loves us all.

So will I do well with this? Yes, as best I can. Another blessing I have been given through past trials is recognition of when I need to "call in the troops". I have found that if I rely on help of others when I need it, I can go much further and stronger than without that occasional help. That is what we are here for right? To serve and to be served?

That doesn't mean that in the midst of a vote of confidence and compliments I don't want to still shrivel up inside and hide, but it does mean that I too have confidence that when the time comes, I will measure up and if not, I will ask for help. Just try to understand that right now and probably occasionally then, I don't feel all that capable and ready. But that is OK, because I am guessing that is normal. If it is not, please don't tell me.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Good news! Good news!!


Well, we have known that I have been pregnant for about 4 weeks, what we did not know (although our kids tried to tell us) that we were having TWINS. Wow, still doesn't seem real, but we have the pictures to prove it.

When I found out I was pregnant I asked Andrew, do you want a little sister or brother? He replied, twins - a little sister and little brother. He then went on to explain that way we could get two cribs and put one in the boys room and one in the girls room. I explained that with twins you leave them in the same crib (they get use to being with each other after 9 months). Then he decided he would go for a boy. I asked him what we should call the baby if it was a boy or girl. He responded if it is a boy, Coltrane (one of his friends at school) and if it is a girl, MaggieMae. I reminded him that we already have a sister named MaggieMae. He said, "Yes, but I love her so much"(I guess that means that he needs two of her).

Several hours later I asked AnnaLisa "When mommy has a baby again, should I have a boy or a girl?" Her response, "I think you should have twins - a boy and a girl".

WHAT!?!?! Is what I though, but then I said what should we name them? She responded, "Rosie for a girl".

JJ said that he only wanted a brother and that we should name him Andrew.

When we had the ultrasound on Thursday to verify due date, we were really surprised. It was totally obvious on the picture, but it did not click until she told us that our kids were right (I had told her that our kids told us that we were having twins). Jeff and I just continued to say, "Wow" and spontaneously break out in laughing (that was me, not Jeff).

My parents happened to be visiting so when we got home we casually said, would you like to see the ultrasound? We showed it to my mom who looked at it, her eyes got big and then she said, "I am not sure what I am seeing". Jeff smiled and said, "yep, that is twins." We "skyped" Jeff's parents in the Ukraine on Saturday morning and told them. They were shocked and excited as well.

We are still in a whirlwind of thoughts and implications (We need a bigger car, bigger house, etc). I had great difficulty going to sleep Thursday night. I am hoping to hook up with someone who knows a bit more about twins and is real down to earth (because we all know how I am). Any takers? Sara?

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Dunkin' Donuts Mom!


Well, Friday night I told the boys that we would have scrambled eggs, sausage, and donuts (my mind told me there were still some frozen from last time). The boys were excited. When they got up they asked what was for breakfast and I reported Monkeys, Elephants, and Frog toes. They though that was fun. Good ole AnnaLisa replied, "Oh that is my favorite". I then reminded the kids that I had said, "Scrambled eggs, sausage, and ..." "Dunkin' Donuts" they replied.

AnnaLisa, JJ, and I left to go to the store (because the freezer was bare of any donuts). We got there and found our favorites - Boston Cream, Chocolate Glazed, Blueberry, and Rainbow Sprinkles. We got back home and had a nice breakfast with the family. I mentioned something to the kids about donuts and Andrew corrected me, "they are Dunkin' Donuts, not donuts." Oh, my - how could I have made such a mistake?

And to my brothers who might be tempted by this post, just remember if you don't have a Dunkin' Donuts by where you live, move to GIlbert, we have two!

For those who don't know our family history, we grew up back East and Dunkin' Donuts were very popular back there. It was something that my parents would spring for if we helped with the morning paper route (my mom's route had many, many customers think several hundred). Mom would offer a donut for us to get up at 3:30ish and go with her to help fold and deliver them. When I was in high school my Dad joined my mom on this effort and they had around 500 papers-not donuts).