Santa is gone;
all the gifts unwrapped.
It is time for the New Year ...
to be mapped.
As we make our plans
may we remember and pray,
"To our dear Lord",
and follow His Way.
When trials come,
and they surely will.
Let us remember their purpose-
His Peace to feel.
Like a warm slice of bread
that needs some butter-
may we remember Christ
and Love One Another.
-Kristina Park 2013
I wrote this yesterday as I lay snuggling in bed with my 4 year old son. He was cold and tired (and had not been feeling well) so I snuggled to warm him up and hopefully to get him to fall back asleep. As I lay there I thought of how I will miss Christmas, but I was glad to see the commercial side of Christmas gone. I am thrilled with how this poem turned out.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Article about giving presentations and how to handle Q & A. I put it into bullet points to make it easier for me to read.
Arizona Republic 05/29/2013, Page CL01
Get the Q&A session right.
After a presentation, speaker should keep engaging audience
By Anita Bruzzese Gannett
You’ve just finished your big presentation and take a quiet breath of relief. Not so fast. A critical part of your presentation is about to take place. And if you’re not careful, it could spin out of control and undo all your hard work. That’s because it’s now time for the question-and-answer period.
Many speakers believe that once they’ve gone through their PowerPoint, they’re off the hook. They can answer a few simple questions and head for the exit.
But speakers can make many mistakes when starting their question-and-answer session, says Ben Decker, an executive at Decker Communications. Some mistakes and reminders:
Executive at Decker Communications
Get the Q&A session right.
After a presentation, speaker should keep engaging audience
By Anita Bruzzese Gannett
You’ve just finished your big presentation and take a quiet breath of relief. Not so fast. A critical part of your presentation is about to take place. And if you’re not careful, it could spin out of control and undo all your hard work. That’s because it’s now time for the question-and-answer period.
Many speakers believe that once they’ve gone through their PowerPoint, they’re off the hook. They can answer a few simple questions and head for the exit.
But speakers can make many mistakes when starting their question-and-answer session, says Ben Decker, an executive at Decker Communications. Some mistakes and reminders:
- Don't respond, “That’s a good question!” when an audience member makes a query. “That’s a bad habit,” Decker says. “It’s just a filler while they try to think of something to say, or they’re trying to give a pat on the back to the person who asked it. But that can alienate the other audience members when you don’t say the same thing to them when they ask a question.”
- Speakers should not be afraid to pause before answering a question to gather their thoughts, he says. At the same time, they should think about how to link answers to a main point made in the presentation. “Question-and-answer sessions are as much of the communication experience as the presentation or speech,” Decker says. “It could be even the most important part in order to get buy-in.”
- Another problem: A speaker may try to back away from a confrontational questioner or deny what is being said, says Nick Morgan, founder of Public Words. Instead, a speaker should move and stand next to the questioner, facing the same direction. This strategy maintains your authority but calms down the questioner because “they really are looking for recognition,” he says. “Then, instead of rejecting what they’re saying, reflect it. Say something like, ‘What I hear you saying is that you’re upset by my proposal because you feel I’ve left out the shepherds and the sheep. Is that fair?’ ” Morgan says. This helps gain the person’s agreement, he says. “Then, you can say something like, ‘I appreciate your point of view. In fact, you remind me of a story. ...’ and then you gradually change the subject by taking it in a direction that you want to go in,” Morgan says.
- Decker agrees that you never should argue with someone in the audience. He recommends having a half-dozen stories at the ready to use to evoke emotion and help connect you with the audience.
- When a question is off topic or too elementary, a speaker needs to respond with something like, “Can we take that offline? That’s really not on topic for our group time together, but I’d be happy to chat with you afterward,” Morgan says.
- The question-and-answer session should not be viewed as something to just get through at the end of a presentation, Decker says. It’s an opportunity to hammer home points and connect with your audience.
- One key to that connection is making sure you look directly at the questioner when the query is being made, then direct the answer to the audience to make them feel included, he says.
- Morgan advises speakers not to panic if they don’t immediately get a question. “Be prepared to wait a full 6 seconds,” he says. “That’s how long it can take before someone responds. But it won’t take any longer than that. If you don’t wait, you send out a signal to your audience that you don’t really want to hear from them, and they will abide by that signal.”
- ‘‘Question-and-answer sessions are as much of the communication experience as the presentation or speech.”
Executive at Decker Communications
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Is it just tantrums or a developmental disorder?
I read this article and thought it really expressed the differences between tantrums and melt downs (behavior from a child who is not developmentally able to communicate needs). These are not my own ideas, however I agree with them. - Kristina
8 Signs It’s More Than a Discipline Problem
http://www.babble.com/kid/child-development/8-signs-behavior/
“But it wasn’t about our parenting. It didn’t make sense,” Pritzker said. “I knew him on a level other people didn’t. He’s a good boy. His meltdowns weren’t about him getting his way. He’d be so apologetic afterwards. You could see the pain he was putting himself through because he felt so badly about his behavior.”
Turns out Pritzker was right. Now, at age 11, her son has been diagnosed with a nonverbal learning disability as well as PDD-NOS, an autism spectrum disorder.
According to the CDC, 17% of children have a developmental or behavioral disability – and less than 50% are identified as having a challenge before they’re old enough to start school. Frequently, parents tune in before pediatricians do. So how do you know if your child’s behavior stems from a discipline problem or a developmental delay?
“All tantrums have a communicative intent,” says Michelle Suarez, MS, ED, founder of Kaleidoscope Interactive, which offers families therapeutic intervention and behavioral support. “The key is to understand the whys.”
Clinical psychologist Dr. Matthew Cruger of The Child Mind Institute in New York City agrees.
“Parents need to ask, ‘Is their child misbehaving because their child is a child, with limited experience understanding why their parents are setting developmentally appropriate rules? Is their child simply trying to get his or her way?’,” Dr. Cruger said. “Or is their child experiencing some kind of anxiety because they are pushed to do something they would prefer to avoid? These can be typical reasons why a tantrum occurs.”
Here are some questions you can ask yourself during a temper tantrum to help determine whether it’s manipulative or potentially a developmental issue.
1. You don’t understand the cause of the tantrum.
Manipulative: Your child pitches a fit when you say, “No, I will not buy you a toy.”
Atypical development: Your child cannot explain why he is upset – and you can’t figure it out. “Parents become in tune with their child’s reactions. You know when your child is fussy and upset, that they are tired,” said Dr. Cruger. “But if you are uncertain about or unable to predict your child’s reactions to stimuli, that may be a sign that something is amiss.”
2. Bribes or positive reinforcements don’t work.
Manipulative: Before you enter a grocery store, you say to your child, “You can have a lollipop if you behave.” And she behaves.
Atypical development: If/then statements often don’t work. “With young children, you can have an incentive for them to focus on to guide their behavior,” Dr. Cruger said. “But for children with atypical development, a trigger – like the proximity of strangers or too loud noise – might disrupt their ability to keep that cue in the forefront of their minds.”
3. You can’t stop the tantrum.
Manipulative: Your child hollers for a toy. You give in and buy it – and the tantrum stops.
Atypical development: You give in and buy it – and the tantrum keeps going. “Some kids get so emotionally aroused that the situation transitions from the toy to needing help calming down,” Dr. Cruger said. “Others tantrum for a long time because they have difficulty controlling their impulses or reactions – which would enable them to calm down and manage their response.”
4. Your child doesn’t feel satisfaction after the tantrum.
Manipulative: Your child is happy with the result of her tantrum. She got her toy.
Atypical development: Your child is exhausted from the tantrum. And may no longer want the toy. “One of the markers of atypical development is how rigidly a child wants to hold onto a set routine for doing things in order for them to feel calm,” Dr. Cruger said.
5. Your child can’t calm herself down when upset.
Manipulative: Your child knows to find mom or dad to feel better. And does.
Atypical development: Your child throws a bike. “One of your jobs as a parent is to teach your children how to soothe themselves,” Dr. Cruger said. “Atypically developing children may have a hard time regulating their reactions based on the direction of their parents because on a brain basis, they are not tuned in to social relationships the same way.”
6. You notice your child’s environment triggers the tantrums.
Manipulative: Your child screams and kicks to try to get you to comply to a request.
Atypical development: Your child becomes overwhelmed by feelings or his environment, like a change in plans or noise, and may cover ears/hide. “If it’s those sort of stimuli, or being forced out of a routine that a child has a preference for, that are provoking a reaction, that may be a good reason to consider an evaluation,” Dr. Cruger said.
7. Your child’s teacher has concerns.
Manipulative: Your teacher says your child is well-behaved at school.
Atypical development: “Some kids with atypical development function very well with adults, but not with peers,” Dr. Cruger said. “That’s where teachers’ input can be very valuable. The teacher won’t be the person making a diagnosis, but they might be highlighting concerns for you about how things go.”
8. Your gut tells you there is something more going on.
Manipulative: You know in your heart you shouldn’t give in, but you do.
Atypical development: Your gut says your child is different. “Your gut is a good instinct in many cases. Parents often say, ‘We always knew something was a little different,’” Dr. Cruger said. “They’re really describing at an early age their child was much less responsive to their interactions and involvement.”
8 Signs It’s More Than a Discipline Problem
http://www.babble.com/kid/child-development/8-signs-behavior/
Is it just tantrums or a developmental disorder?
For years, friends, family and professionals told Lucy Pritzker her young son, who was prone to meltdowns, was simply willful. “He’s manipulating you,” they said.
“But it wasn’t about our parenting. It didn’t make sense,” Pritzker said. “I knew him on a level other people didn’t. He’s a good boy. His meltdowns weren’t about him getting his way. He’d be so apologetic afterwards. You could see the pain he was putting himself through because he felt so badly about his behavior.”
Turns out Pritzker was right. Now, at age 11, her son has been diagnosed with a nonverbal learning disability as well as PDD-NOS, an autism spectrum disorder.
According to the CDC, 17% of children have a developmental or behavioral disability – and less than 50% are identified as having a challenge before they’re old enough to start school. Frequently, parents tune in before pediatricians do. So how do you know if your child’s behavior stems from a discipline problem or a developmental delay?
“All tantrums have a communicative intent,” says Michelle Suarez, MS, ED, founder of Kaleidoscope Interactive, which offers families therapeutic intervention and behavioral support. “The key is to understand the whys.”
Clinical psychologist Dr. Matthew Cruger of The Child Mind Institute in New York City agrees.
“Parents need to ask, ‘Is their child misbehaving because their child is a child, with limited experience understanding why their parents are setting developmentally appropriate rules? Is their child simply trying to get his or her way?’,” Dr. Cruger said. “Or is their child experiencing some kind of anxiety because they are pushed to do something they would prefer to avoid? These can be typical reasons why a tantrum occurs.”
Here are some questions you can ask yourself during a temper tantrum to help determine whether it’s manipulative or potentially a developmental issue.
1. You don’t understand the cause of the tantrum.
Manipulative: Your child pitches a fit when you say, “No, I will not buy you a toy.”
Atypical development: Your child cannot explain why he is upset – and you can’t figure it out. “Parents become in tune with their child’s reactions. You know when your child is fussy and upset, that they are tired,” said Dr. Cruger. “But if you are uncertain about or unable to predict your child’s reactions to stimuli, that may be a sign that something is amiss.”
2. Bribes or positive reinforcements don’t work.
Manipulative: Before you enter a grocery store, you say to your child, “You can have a lollipop if you behave.” And she behaves.
Atypical development: If/then statements often don’t work. “With young children, you can have an incentive for them to focus on to guide their behavior,” Dr. Cruger said. “But for children with atypical development, a trigger – like the proximity of strangers or too loud noise – might disrupt their ability to keep that cue in the forefront of their minds.”
3. You can’t stop the tantrum.
Manipulative: Your child hollers for a toy. You give in and buy it – and the tantrum stops.
Atypical development: You give in and buy it – and the tantrum keeps going. “Some kids get so emotionally aroused that the situation transitions from the toy to needing help calming down,” Dr. Cruger said. “Others tantrum for a long time because they have difficulty controlling their impulses or reactions – which would enable them to calm down and manage their response.”
4. Your child doesn’t feel satisfaction after the tantrum.
Manipulative: Your child is happy with the result of her tantrum. She got her toy.
Atypical development: Your child is exhausted from the tantrum. And may no longer want the toy. “One of the markers of atypical development is how rigidly a child wants to hold onto a set routine for doing things in order for them to feel calm,” Dr. Cruger said.
5. Your child can’t calm herself down when upset.
Manipulative: Your child knows to find mom or dad to feel better. And does.
Atypical development: Your child throws a bike. “One of your jobs as a parent is to teach your children how to soothe themselves,” Dr. Cruger said. “Atypically developing children may have a hard time regulating their reactions based on the direction of their parents because on a brain basis, they are not tuned in to social relationships the same way.”
6. You notice your child’s environment triggers the tantrums.
Manipulative: Your child screams and kicks to try to get you to comply to a request.
Atypical development: Your child becomes overwhelmed by feelings or his environment, like a change in plans or noise, and may cover ears/hide. “If it’s those sort of stimuli, or being forced out of a routine that a child has a preference for, that are provoking a reaction, that may be a good reason to consider an evaluation,” Dr. Cruger said.
7. Your child’s teacher has concerns.
Manipulative: Your teacher says your child is well-behaved at school.
Atypical development: “Some kids with atypical development function very well with adults, but not with peers,” Dr. Cruger said. “That’s where teachers’ input can be very valuable. The teacher won’t be the person making a diagnosis, but they might be highlighting concerns for you about how things go.”
8. Your gut tells you there is something more going on.
Manipulative: You know in your heart you shouldn’t give in, but you do.
Atypical development: Your gut says your child is different. “Your gut is a good instinct in many cases. Parents often say, ‘We always knew something was a little different,’” Dr. Cruger said. “They’re really describing at an early age their child was much less responsive to their interactions and involvement.”
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
long hair and gifted
This morning was the typical roller coaster ride at breakfast. I have been looking for a way to describe JJ's "giftedness" in academics to him and the other kids. JJ perceives it as he is smarter than the other kids his age/in his family. When evaluating in specific areas (that the school measures) that is true, over all I don't know that he is smarter than others.
To give you an idea of where he is on IQ, he ranks in the 99th percentile in all areas. This means if you take 100 kids his age and rate them according to intelligence, he would be the 99th smartest kid in that group. My understanding is that it is the "highest mark" that one can receive. This is not a total surprise as I have had many teachers tell me that (even in Advanced Level Placement classes) he stretches the class/teacher to their learning peaks in lessons often bringing up elements to the lesson that are far beyond the typical academics for that age. Also because our family is a multiplex autism family (meaning that we have multiple kids with autism) we have been involved in a couple of research studies that involved giving each member of our family IQ tests. From this experience, we learned that both of our sons were advanced (JJ was given it when he was 3 years old, Andrew 5 years old at the time). The evaluator would not share their score (that was part of the deal with the research agreement) but she told me that she was amazed to see both of our son's get up into the 8-9 year old range. She also mentioned that she stopped testing him not because she thought he did not know the answers, but because he seemed to be purposely telling her the wrong answer to see her reaction.
We are in the middle of trying to figure out a better placement for JJ. The school district has a self-contained gifted class room that they are starting next year. It will be made up of kids that are gifted in all areas (that they measure for academics). In many ways I think this will be fantastic for JJ. We are waiting to see if he is accepted, hopefully we find out today.
Anyway, back to breakfast this morning, I looked at Anna and it hit me -- describe how length of hair does not affect femininity. So I asked the kids, "Does the fact that Anna has long hair and I have short hair affect whether or not we are girls?"
Right away Andrew chirped in, "Well, yeah, she is a girl and you are not, but it had nothing to do with hair. She is young and you are not" (again with Andrew telling me I am old...what is with that kid?).
OK, I forgot who I was talking to and did not choose my words as carefully as I should have. "Alright good point Andrew. Does our hair length affect our femininity?"
"No mom."
Back to my point I was trying to make, "Well, if someone thought that hair length was the only measure of what makes a girl, I mean female, than they might think that I am not a woman." At this point I bring the parallel points that I was initially trying to make about being gifted. We talk about how Anna and Andrew are gifted in piano/musical abilities, JJ is academically gifted in his learning style, etc. I focus on how many people are gifted in different areas, but even if some aren't gifted that doesn't mean they are not smart.
Being with my kids, I feel like a world traveler who goes from Chicago to New York by way of the Ukraine. I had never guessed how much teaching I would do as a mother. I have a feeling that many of the things that I verbally teach to my children are due to their Autism/lack of ability to socially learn (picking up learning from watching others learning) sometimes called incidental learning. I also recognize that this is part of the nurturing that society does not recognize as a major responsibility of parents, and specifically mothers. It is trivialized to the point that as long as we find reputable sports clubs, high achieving schools or daycare that we are fulfilling that duty. Somehow our job as parents is to help our children feel fulfilled and entertained. I think there is a great underestimation in the need for these conversations and learning experiences with our rising generation. It is the opportunity where we can develop skills, compassion, and wisdom within our children that takes an incremental development that can't happen when we are eating on the go, watching TV during dinner or in school.
To give you an idea of where he is on IQ, he ranks in the 99th percentile in all areas. This means if you take 100 kids his age and rate them according to intelligence, he would be the 99th smartest kid in that group. My understanding is that it is the "highest mark" that one can receive. This is not a total surprise as I have had many teachers tell me that (even in Advanced Level Placement classes) he stretches the class/teacher to their learning peaks in lessons often bringing up elements to the lesson that are far beyond the typical academics for that age. Also because our family is a multiplex autism family (meaning that we have multiple kids with autism) we have been involved in a couple of research studies that involved giving each member of our family IQ tests. From this experience, we learned that both of our sons were advanced (JJ was given it when he was 3 years old, Andrew 5 years old at the time). The evaluator would not share their score (that was part of the deal with the research agreement) but she told me that she was amazed to see both of our son's get up into the 8-9 year old range. She also mentioned that she stopped testing him not because she thought he did not know the answers, but because he seemed to be purposely telling her the wrong answer to see her reaction.
We are in the middle of trying to figure out a better placement for JJ. The school district has a self-contained gifted class room that they are starting next year. It will be made up of kids that are gifted in all areas (that they measure for academics). In many ways I think this will be fantastic for JJ. We are waiting to see if he is accepted, hopefully we find out today.
Anyway, back to breakfast this morning, I looked at Anna and it hit me -- describe how length of hair does not affect femininity. So I asked the kids, "Does the fact that Anna has long hair and I have short hair affect whether or not we are girls?"
Right away Andrew chirped in, "Well, yeah, she is a girl and you are not, but it had nothing to do with hair. She is young and you are not" (again with Andrew telling me I am old...what is with that kid?).
OK, I forgot who I was talking to and did not choose my words as carefully as I should have. "Alright good point Andrew. Does our hair length affect our femininity?"
"No mom."
Back to my point I was trying to make, "Well, if someone thought that hair length was the only measure of what makes a girl, I mean female, than they might think that I am not a woman." At this point I bring the parallel points that I was initially trying to make about being gifted. We talk about how Anna and Andrew are gifted in piano/musical abilities, JJ is academically gifted in his learning style, etc. I focus on how many people are gifted in different areas, but even if some aren't gifted that doesn't mean they are not smart.
Being with my kids, I feel like a world traveler who goes from Chicago to New York by way of the Ukraine. I had never guessed how much teaching I would do as a mother. I have a feeling that many of the things that I verbally teach to my children are due to their Autism/lack of ability to socially learn (picking up learning from watching others learning) sometimes called incidental learning. I also recognize that this is part of the nurturing that society does not recognize as a major responsibility of parents, and specifically mothers. It is trivialized to the point that as long as we find reputable sports clubs, high achieving schools or daycare that we are fulfilling that duty. Somehow our job as parents is to help our children feel fulfilled and entertained. I think there is a great underestimation in the need for these conversations and learning experiences with our rising generation. It is the opportunity where we can develop skills, compassion, and wisdom within our children that takes an incremental development that can't happen when we are eating on the go, watching TV during dinner or in school.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
I have achieved my ultimate plan...(Andrew)
...I only need to get 3 million more of these X-wing fighters and I can take over the world!
Mom (sitting in the front seat driving the car out of the Hobby Lobby parking lot) - So should I start saving more 40% off coupons for you?
Andrew - When I get home I can have my ice cream and sit down and start working on this model.
Mom - Uh...do you know what time it is? It was 7:40 when we left. Your bedtime is 8:00 dude.
Andrew - Lady put the pedal to the metal!
Mom (laughing and to herself) You are quite a character. (Then I get flashes of my childhood memories. Our pediatrician walking into the room and asking me a question to which I reply very matter-of-factly, but in a very untypical humorous way, and he chuckles, shaking his head saying to my mother, "She's a character, isn't she?" My mom agrees. Fast forward to being in the counseling office in high school preparing applications for college. The guidance counselor asks me to describe myself so I respond that, "I am a character." She gives me an odd look and politely asks me if I understand what that means.
Back in the car in Arizona, Andrew - I would appreciate it if you could make sure you are going the speed limit or slightly above it.
Side note - When I relayed this conversation to my husband, he smiled and commented, Andrew sure got his sense of humor from you.
Mom (sitting in the front seat driving the car out of the Hobby Lobby parking lot) - So should I start saving more 40% off coupons for you?
Andrew - When I get home I can have my ice cream and sit down and start working on this model.
Mom - Uh...do you know what time it is? It was 7:40 when we left. Your bedtime is 8:00 dude.
Andrew - Lady put the pedal to the metal!
Mom (laughing and to herself) You are quite a character. (Then I get flashes of my childhood memories. Our pediatrician walking into the room and asking me a question to which I reply very matter-of-factly, but in a very untypical humorous way, and he chuckles, shaking his head saying to my mother, "She's a character, isn't she?" My mom agrees. Fast forward to being in the counseling office in high school preparing applications for college. The guidance counselor asks me to describe myself so I respond that, "I am a character." She gives me an odd look and politely asks me if I understand what that means.
Back in the car in Arizona, Andrew - I would appreciate it if you could make sure you are going the speed limit or slightly above it.
Side note - When I relayed this conversation to my husband, he smiled and commented, Andrew sure got his sense of humor from you.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
but I am a good crocodile...
Rosi has lately been enjoying pretend play(one of my first children to do so, which is slightly unique because she is child number 5). When she is in the bath she will often say, "I am a crocodile, but I am a good crocodile..." She likes pretending she has a big old crocodile mouth by using her arms, but she never does anything menacing or hardly at all other than to state her "creed".
Monday, March 25, 2013
How a pig gets slaughtered by Andrew (10 yrs old)
We are sitting at the table eating cereal and Andrew starts having a conversation/monologue about something he has been reflecting on lately...how they slaughter pigs.
"Well, first I thought maybe they starve the pigs to kill them. (Mom thinking...ohh, that is horribly mean. How inhumane can you be?) But then I realized that if you starved the pigs, then they would lose all their fat and a lot of their muscles too. (Me again...Wow, good analysis of how ineffective that would be). So then I thought that maybe the froze them to kill them. (Yep, it's me again...That would have to be a huge fridge. And what would you do with a frozen dead pig? You would have to defrost it to butcher it.) So then I finally decided that they wait until the pigs are sleeping and sneak up on them and cut their necks. (Well, at least that is slightly more humane.)"
Afterward we had a discussion about slaughter houses and how they worked. We even discussed Temple Grandin and her work on creating more humane slaughter houses (last I had heard she had designed at least a third of the slaughter houses in the US). Temple is a Professor at Colorado State (?) and also has autism. She is probably one of the most famous people in the Autism community. She is a fun and informational lady to listen to, but definitely not a comedian. She is very practical and such a great example.
"Well, first I thought maybe they starve the pigs to kill them. (Mom thinking...ohh, that is horribly mean. How inhumane can you be?) But then I realized that if you starved the pigs, then they would lose all their fat and a lot of their muscles too. (Me again...Wow, good analysis of how ineffective that would be). So then I thought that maybe the froze them to kill them. (Yep, it's me again...That would have to be a huge fridge. And what would you do with a frozen dead pig? You would have to defrost it to butcher it.) So then I finally decided that they wait until the pigs are sleeping and sneak up on them and cut their necks. (Well, at least that is slightly more humane.)"
Afterward we had a discussion about slaughter houses and how they worked. We even discussed Temple Grandin and her work on creating more humane slaughter houses (last I had heard she had designed at least a third of the slaughter houses in the US). Temple is a Professor at Colorado State (?) and also has autism. She is probably one of the most famous people in the Autism community. She is a fun and informational lady to listen to, but definitely not a comedian. She is very practical and such a great example.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Marriage
Well, I would expect that there will be a lot of discussion this next week or so about marriage. For me it is simple, the government should stay out of marriage...completely. Marriage is a religious sacrament (or ordinance, depending on your faith). It has occurred for millennia through many different religions regardless of the government. The United States government did not create marriage. To me that means that it does not have the authority to modify it. State and federal governments have given benefits to married people, not because they are married, but because they believe that married people benefit our government. Often reasons such as stability and building up of the next generation of our society are sited for such benefits. That may be true, but for me marriage is further reaching than that.
In the LDS faith we believe that parenthood and the right to procreate are important parts of our Eternal growth. That these are merely steps in a much longer path. We believe that it is a privilege to join in marriage and then afterward to join together to become one flesh, figuratively as well as literally. We understand that on Judgment Day we will stand accountable to God, the Father (and His son Jesus Christ) for how we choose to join with God in the experience of Creation (birthing/having children). This is one of the main reasons why LDS people don't engage in premarital sex (I understand this is a struggle for many, and some are not successful in abstaining before marriage).
We also believe that all children are entitled to a father and a mother. We believe that God designed genetics this way (requiring a man and a woman) because this is the way that God set up the standard for marriage. I honestly believe that before God told Adam and Eve to go forth and "multiply and replenish the earth" that he married them, right there in the Garden of Eden.
Now I have been asked if love should not be enough to justify marriage. To this I say no. I believe that it is a desirable element to have, but I believe marriage should require other things before even love. I believe it should require the commitment of both as a minimum for the rest of their lives (within the LDS faith you can choose to be married for your life as well as for all eternity). I believe that they should share their standards and have the same vision of life. I believe that they should share a desire to raise up a family. For me there were several men that I loved deeply that I decided not to marry because while we had much in common, I knew that beyond love we did not have what it would take to be successful in marriage.
In the LDS faith we believe that parenthood and the right to procreate are important parts of our Eternal growth. That these are merely steps in a much longer path. We believe that it is a privilege to join in marriage and then afterward to join together to become one flesh, figuratively as well as literally. We understand that on Judgment Day we will stand accountable to God, the Father (and His son Jesus Christ) for how we choose to join with God in the experience of Creation (birthing/having children). This is one of the main reasons why LDS people don't engage in premarital sex (I understand this is a struggle for many, and some are not successful in abstaining before marriage).
We also believe that all children are entitled to a father and a mother. We believe that God designed genetics this way (requiring a man and a woman) because this is the way that God set up the standard for marriage. I honestly believe that before God told Adam and Eve to go forth and "multiply and replenish the earth" that he married them, right there in the Garden of Eden.
Now I have been asked if love should not be enough to justify marriage. To this I say no. I believe that it is a desirable element to have, but I believe marriage should require other things before even love. I believe it should require the commitment of both as a minimum for the rest of their lives (within the LDS faith you can choose to be married for your life as well as for all eternity). I believe that they should share their standards and have the same vision of life. I believe that they should share a desire to raise up a family. For me there were several men that I loved deeply that I decided not to marry because while we had much in common, I knew that beyond love we did not have what it would take to be successful in marriage.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Conversation with JJ
JJ: I like lots of fruits and vegetables.
Mom (skeptical): Really? Cause I can only thing of one, no two that you like - Carrots and red delicious apples.
JJ: No, I also like bananas, Red Delicious Apples and Granny Smith Apples.
Mom: Hmmm- that means you and Grandpa Williams have something in common. You both like Granny Smith apples.
JJ: Too bad his last name is Williams and not Smith.
Mom: We actually have a great grandma Smith - Sarah Ervene Smith.
JJ: Well then, she is our great, great, granny smith. Hey, I have a joke. What apple is related to the Red Delicious...the Granny Smith!
This is an example of me talking to JJ about healthy eating choices. No wonder he still hasn't figured it out. As his mother I am a college educated, street smart (by way of growing up with 5 brothers and 3 sisters...maybe I should call that big family smart) mother who can't have a conversation to reach a predictable teaching because having conversations with her kids (especially JJ) are more like using a roller coaster to go grocery shopping.
Mom (skeptical): Really? Cause I can only thing of one, no two that you like - Carrots and red delicious apples.
JJ: No, I also like bananas, Red Delicious Apples and Granny Smith Apples.
Mom: Hmmm- that means you and Grandpa Williams have something in common. You both like Granny Smith apples.
JJ: Too bad his last name is Williams and not Smith.
Mom: We actually have a great grandma Smith - Sarah Ervene Smith.
JJ: Well then, she is our great, great, granny smith. Hey, I have a joke. What apple is related to the Red Delicious...the Granny Smith!
This is an example of me talking to JJ about healthy eating choices. No wonder he still hasn't figured it out. As his mother I am a college educated, street smart (by way of growing up with 5 brothers and 3 sisters...maybe I should call that big family smart) mother who can't have a conversation to reach a predictable teaching because having conversations with her kids (especially JJ) are more like using a roller coaster to go grocery shopping.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Me unloading the dishwasher, Andrew eating breakfast at the table:
Me: Andrew (10 yrs old) did you know that when I was a kid there was a time we had to wash the dishes by hand because the dishwasher broke and G'ma and G'pa did not replace it right away?
Andrew: That is terrible. How did you have time to play video games? Um...did they have video games back then?
Ugh, is that what it feels like to get old?
Me: Andrew (10 yrs old) did you know that when I was a kid there was a time we had to wash the dishes by hand because the dishwasher broke and G'ma and G'pa did not replace it right away?
Andrew: That is terrible. How did you have time to play video games? Um...did they have video games back then?
Ugh, is that what it feels like to get old?
Saturday, March 16, 2013
sibling conversations
JJ (8 yrs old) - I wish they did not have a law about not being allowed to marry your siblings.
Mom (none of your business old) - Hmm, why JJ which sibling would you want to marry?
JJ, sheepish look on his face, smiles - Anna.
Mom - She is sure nice huh?
MM , (5 yrs old) - Yeah, she's nice. If I could marry a girl, I would marry her.
Andrew (9 yrs old) - Well, you can't marry someone your same gender...how would you have babies? I think I would marry _______ (girl in his class). Mom, if you read my journal you would know I have a crush on her (giggle, giggle).
Mom - am I suppose to be reading your journal? Do you want me to?
Andrew - Well, maybe not all the time, but you could sometimes just to make sure I am not getting into trouble.
Mom - Umm, OK.
I love seeing my kids perspective on things, and I learn a lot of things I did not know, like how I am SUPPOSE to be reading my son's journal. Never would have guessed that one. It is good to see some of my teachings coming out in their natural conversations. Now if you will excuse me, evidentially I have been neglecting some juice 4th grader journal reading.
Mom (none of your business old) - Hmm, why JJ which sibling would you want to marry?
JJ, sheepish look on his face, smiles - Anna.
Mom - She is sure nice huh?
MM , (5 yrs old) - Yeah, she's nice. If I could marry a girl, I would marry her.
Andrew (9 yrs old) - Well, you can't marry someone your same gender...how would you have babies? I think I would marry _______ (girl in his class). Mom, if you read my journal you would know I have a crush on her (giggle, giggle).
Mom - am I suppose to be reading your journal? Do you want me to?
Andrew - Well, maybe not all the time, but you could sometimes just to make sure I am not getting into trouble.
Mom - Umm, OK.
I love seeing my kids perspective on things, and I learn a lot of things I did not know, like how I am SUPPOSE to be reading my son's journal. Never would have guessed that one. It is good to see some of my teachings coming out in their natural conversations. Now if you will excuse me, evidentially I have been neglecting some juice 4th grader journal reading.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
No picture needed
It is the curse of mom bloggers (and maybe bloggers on the whole) to want to take pictures to go along with their stories. I struggle with this, because I feel like I am sending a mixed message to my kids when I tell them "No don't do that" while I am fighting back a smile and taking a picture. So as an attempt to catch some funnies that I decided best to not take pictures off...
-Today after church JJ (size 8-10) came down stairs wearing William's (size 3) sweatpants. I was impressed he was able to fit them on. In all fairness to JJ, they fit like a pair of biker shorts, although I would have thought the elastic cuffs and waist band a bit to tight for my taste.
- Yesterday I walked though the kitchen to find William standing on the counter with the PBH (Peanut Butter and Honey) cupboard open. He was asking (I think himself), "Where's the honey?" When I walked up to him, he casually turned to me and said that (pointing to a mostly empty container of honey) has no honey, where's the honey? Smiling inspite of myself, I looked around and saw the other honey container (we have two smaller one's we refill from bulk bottles of honey) over by the stove. I pointed to it (I do not have a voice right now due to sickness) and he giggled and hopped down to get it.
-Today after church JJ (size 8-10) came down stairs wearing William's (size 3) sweatpants. I was impressed he was able to fit them on. In all fairness to JJ, they fit like a pair of biker shorts, although I would have thought the elastic cuffs and waist band a bit to tight for my taste.
- Yesterday I walked though the kitchen to find William standing on the counter with the PBH (Peanut Butter and Honey) cupboard open. He was asking (I think himself), "Where's the honey?" When I walked up to him, he casually turned to me and said that (pointing to a mostly empty container of honey) has no honey, where's the honey? Smiling inspite of myself, I looked around and saw the other honey container (we have two smaller one's we refill from bulk bottles of honey) over by the stove. I pointed to it (I do not have a voice right now due to sickness) and he giggled and hopped down to get it.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
A daisy by any other name, would smell as sweet...wait
Conversation with Andrew after he finished cleaning the kid's bathroom. The bathroom had a lot of globs of dried toothpaste (guess who is one of the biggest offenders of spilling toothpaste?).
Mom: Andrew that bathroom sure looks great. You did a good job.
Andrew: Thanks mom, I really got my back into it.
Mom: ?..oh, you really put your back into it?
Andrew: Yeah, there is lots of elbow grease in that one.
Mom: Oh, you used a lot of elbow grease?
Andrew: Yep, it is clean because of my back and elbow grease.
Mom: Well, you did a great job.
Andrew: Mom, can we discuss it at family counsel?
Mom: Discuss what Andrew?
Andrew: That people need to clean up a mess after they make it, not leave it there for it to dry.
Mom, smiling: Sure Andrew. I think that would be a great.
PS Andrew did a great job in family council explaining how hard he had to scrub and scrape to get the toothpaste off and how simple it would be for everyone (he and JJ) to use less toothpaste as well as clean up right after a spill if you make a mess.
It always makes me giggle with my vocabulary-affluent children use euphemisms that are not stated correctly. It usually catches me off guard, then makes me smile. Another one Andrew uses a lot is "squashed like a tomato". He is often reminded that it a grape, not tomato, but for the life of me, I can't figure out why tomato hasn't caught on.
Mom: Andrew that bathroom sure looks great. You did a good job.
Andrew: Thanks mom, I really got my back into it.
Mom: ?..oh, you really put your back into it?
Andrew: Yeah, there is lots of elbow grease in that one.
Mom: Oh, you used a lot of elbow grease?
Andrew: Yep, it is clean because of my back and elbow grease.
Mom: Well, you did a great job.
Andrew: Mom, can we discuss it at family counsel?
Mom: Discuss what Andrew?
Andrew: That people need to clean up a mess after they make it, not leave it there for it to dry.
Mom, smiling: Sure Andrew. I think that would be a great.
PS Andrew did a great job in family council explaining how hard he had to scrub and scrape to get the toothpaste off and how simple it would be for everyone (he and JJ) to use less toothpaste as well as clean up right after a spill if you make a mess.
It always makes me giggle with my vocabulary-affluent children use euphemisms that are not stated correctly. It usually catches me off guard, then makes me smile. Another one Andrew uses a lot is "squashed like a tomato". He is often reminded that it a grape, not tomato, but for the life of me, I can't figure out why tomato hasn't caught on.
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