Today I got home right before Andrew and AnnaLisa got home from school (JJ was sick so Daddy stayed home). AnnaLisa came through the door and was in tears within seconds. All we could tell was that it had something to do with a particular girl at school. This girl is often a root of disorder and unfairness (from my biased opinion). Daddy did the right thing by scooping up our big girl in his arms and sitting together on the couch to figure out what could be so terrible. Mommy had to jump in too. AnnaLisa doesn't normally get this upset over things.
AnnaLisa was telling us that this girl was insisting that AnnaLisa pick her for lunch (the clarity is ringing through to Mommy because there is only one thing that you pick one friend for to eat lunch with - "Star of the Week"). I managed to ask the right questions and indeed mom was right AnnaLisa was picked today to be the "Star of the Week" next week. Which as part of the "rights" given to the "Star of the Week" you get to eat lunch with a friend and the teacher. So on a day that AnnaLisa should have been enjoying her soon to be fame (they get to do all sorts of special things from reading a story to the whole class, having a "Star" paperweight on their desk, pencil with stars on it, having a picture collage, etc.) Well it turns out that there were some girls that were demanding (and we found out not just this one) that AnnaLisa pick them. I am not trying to be too harsh as I am sure they have no intention of hurting or stressing out AnnaLisa, but she was nearly devastated over this. Finally we resolved that she could wait until Wednesday to decide (which means I will now need to cancel her dentist appointment as it now conflicts with "Star of the week") who she will pick. Then we were able to have her focus on the positive and fun things that she would get to do. She was still having a tough time with "cheering up" so we asked her if she would like to go to a restaurant for dinner to celebrate her getting chosen as "Star of the Week". She was thrilled with the idea and immediately suggested "Old McDonalds" because it has a playground. Jeff and I had actually already started discussing the idea (an unusual luxury for us) before she came home with the dilemma. We managed a compromise - Village Inn (mommy and Daddy do not do McDonalds unless on vacation, or summer-time play dates). Well, we were able to get through the rest of the night ok and tomorrow we will be making a poster filled with pictures of AnnaLisa.
One of the reason's why I wanted to post about this is that tonight I realize that what hurts my kids hurts me so much more than what hurts me. I can handle life ok - it is when I see my sweet daughter who really wants to have friends, feeling like she is caught in a Piraña-fest because the other girls want to be picked. She should have come home today bouncing off the walls because she was finally picked (19 of her other classmates have gone before her) instead of being reduced to a puddle of tears. That is when the "mama-bear" wants to come out and thrash everyone until they understand how their actions hurt her. But when I sit and reflect on it a few hours after she has gone to bed, I realize that there is not mal-intent, just a desire to share in something fun. This is one of the things that married people (with kids) would often tell me that as a single person I could not understand. I think to some degree that is true, as a single person I could understand the need for compassion, the pain that you feel when a loved one has been hurt, but I never understood how much it can tear you up as a parent.
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