I could never be a mother of six children...

I could never be the mother of three autistic children... I could never be the mother of twins... And the list goes on. I often have comments made to me like this. I don't normally make the comment that comes to my mind when I hear this, "Yes, if you were in that position, you would do it". Much like the person who goes through a child having cancer or the spouse who has been paralyzed. We all find the way to make what we have work, but recently I have been giving this some thought as to how I am successful when so many others confess their certain inability to handle such a situation. The conclusion I came to is that I can do this because I am not the person I was when I was a mother of one. I think often people think of how much "work it is to be a mom of one" and times that by six. If I interacted with my children in the way I did when I was a mom of one, I would be exhausted (well, ok, I'd be even more exhausted). A beautiful analogy came to my mind the other day when grilling sandwiches for lunch. I realized that if I did each sandwich individually, that would be a lot more work, however, I have learned that if I cook six sandwiches at the same time, then the work is more than one, but significantly less that 6 times one. I reflected on this premise and decided that I must do that in other areas of my life. So I started on a hunt for other examples of this in my life. Here is what I came up with:

• I often combine my children's needs together. For example, I cook for, bath, and dress my children together. I help them to understand that part of a family means being patient for each other and well as pulling together.
• I encourage self-independence. My older kids are capable of bathing, dressing, washing clothes, folding and putting away their laundry, making their lunches, and following a morning "getting ready for the day" list. My toddlers walk most of the time.
• I insist on consistent sleep times. My kids go to bed early(7/7:30) and may arise early if they want. They can not come out of bed until 6:00 am. Weekends and holidays are the same. We have one cousin that will spend the nights occasionally. When he joins our family he sleeps our schedule (which is his school night schedule). I find a well rested family is less emotional, performs activities and responsibilities more effectively and argue less.
• I am very consistent with the rules, and expect all of my children to follow them. This has had many extra blessings, I am told by others that my children follow directions well and have good manners. While my children will still goof off, they know that there is a "bar" and expect to be help up to realistic expectations.
• My children help out with chores. This usually starts around 5 years old. Before that they assist mom, after 5 they have their own chores that mom assists with when she is available. My kids do the dishes, laundry, scrub bathrooms, vacuum floors including stairs, and pull weeds.

These are some of the more physical changes of being a mom of six. Some of the emotional ones are letting your kids tough it out. I am very laid back when it comes to my kids as far as what they can do, etc. I am also very aware of what they are capable of and what is beyond them (usually emotionally). I don't push my kids beyond their limits, but I don't fret about the little things either. I also have realized that tomorrow is a do-over. When I mess something up or they do, we just do-over it tomorrow. Life is rarely a "do-or-die" situation. We focus a lot on learning and improving not on our failures.

So could I be a mother of a kid with cancer or have a spouse that is paralyzed? Yes, but I am fine to stay right where I am. Could you be a mother of six...mother of 3 kids with autism...mother of twin toddlers? I expect you could, but like most things in life it is a journey.

My advice? Don't worry about whether you could handle someone else's place in life, just focus on being where you are.